Friends and Family

"Sometimes people are beautiful.

Not in looks.
Not in what they say.
Just in what they are."

— Markus Zusak, Australian novelist

It used to be a viral marketing campaign for the MCI telephone company: “Friends and Family” was a friend circle of free long-distance calling. The point was to recruit your friends and family to subscribe to MCI so they could call more friends and family, who would add their friends and family, and so on, and so on… Having worked in PR and marketing for years, I’m disinclined to use marketing phrases in my writing or conversation. It’s trite. I won’t wear statement apparel, and am actually anti-designer label. If they want me to wear their logo or advertise their company, they can dang-well pay me for it.

But back to the friends and family thing. I have some great ones. There are some who pray for me regularly without needing a reminder. Some who are sensitive to the things I don’t say, and go out of their way to help. Some who will water my plants and take care of my pets so I can get a much-needed break. Some who are faithful to keep in touch, or send me messages about news or jobs or ideas. Some who actually believe and encourage my claims or hopes. Some who have sent gifts of money when I’d given no hint I was desperate. Some who have grieved with me and listened to my rants. Some who are professional colleagues but who like me as a personal friend. Some who say they’re inspired by my comments at Bible study, my writing, or my Facebook comments. Some who admire my opinion of what politicians ought to be doing. Some who sense or observe a need, and fill my need with the gifts of time, skill, expertise, and even cash. Some who, when I make a 350-mile trip back to visit my former life, lay down other plans in order to take me out to lunch, dinner, the movies, a drop-in chat, and (are you ready for this?) thousands of dollars’ worth of dental treatments at her expense. [post continues below images]

Every one of those gifts is evidence of their love and commitment to friendship—with me! I treasure the givers more than the gifts.

It’s not that I have such terrible self-esteem (well, not usually, anyway), but probably like you and many others, I wonder what in the world they’re thinking, that they should show me such love and honor. Is it because they have big hearts, or that their spirits are open to God’s prompting, or that they see a need they can fill and take initiative, or what? Am I so entertaining or such a valuable social asset?

While thanking a couple for treating me to a three-hour lunch and delightful conversation, I asked one of them what made her decide to come all that way. She looked surprised that I asked. “It’s because we love you, Christy!” she said.

This scripture is meant to be a proverb about the superficiality of people who value you only for what you can do for them, but just this once, I’m going to turn it around and upside down. I’m without income, and struggling with finances. But rather than being despised, I'm loved. The poor are despised even by their neighbors, while the rich have many “friends.” Proverbs 14:20 NLT  It’s true. I do have many friends. Therefore, I must be rich. Woo-hooooooooooo! 

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Cor. 13:4-7 NLT

One heart, one mind, one Body

It’s amazing what God can do with people. Those who you thought were beyond salvation’s reach, or who wasted their lives, can be found, can be changed, can be victories for the Lord.

James grew up in a family whose agnostic parents believe in evidence of things seen, in contrast to faith in the unseen. He and his brother and sister never had the stability of faith or a godly lifestyle. They used every illicit drug, lived the hippie life in 1960s San Francisco, tried Eastern religions and cults, dabbled in spiritualism, and many other things James is reluctant to talk about.

Then one day, two people came uninvited to James’ home and shared their faith with him. He asked them about the Ouija board he was experimenting with, and they explained from the Bible how he was placing his life in the Devil’s care when playing that “game.” He continued to study with them, and joined their denomination. Shortly thereafter, he was drafted to serve in the US military. But as part of his newfound beliefs, he would not take an oath of obedience to man or government, as oaths should only be made to God. So James was tried and convicted of draft-dodging. He served six months in prison, which he says he doesn’t regret, because it led to community service opportunities and then his career as a painter.

While James’ brother and sister continued for a few more years in their paths of self-destruction and humanistic religion, James was a new man. He settled down in marriage and fatherhood. He became an active member of his congregation and learned his Bible well. His skill at painting took on an artistry that led to some restoration work at Hearst Castle and a steady career. He and his wife made a house into a beautiful and comfortable home. He spent his leisure time in water sports and fishing, and he became a first-class surfer.

Having only heard of his wild oats-sowing, I never knew about James’ respectable life until a few weeks ago. I was a bit nervous to meet this stranger who’d had a worldly life that included prison (surely for drugs or drug-related crime, I thought). But James was not brain-damaged by drugs, nor did he have the hardness of an ex-convict. He was a gentle, soft-spoken, thoughtful man who had the comfort of others in mind. He took several of us, mostly strangers, on a day-long excursion on the drizzly California coast. Along those miles, we learned his story in bits and pieces, and we bonded not only as relatives or nature enthusiasts, but as children of God. All four of us were of different faith experiences, but we love and serve the same Father, Who loves each of us as much as He loves His Son Jesus. We all learned to love each other that day.

Jesus prayed that we disciples would be of one mind and heart – His heart! Holding prejudice toward other backgrounds or religions is contrary to that oneness that Jesus desires. Discrimination often means that we have judged ourselves as the elect of God, and others as less worthy (or not worthy) of eternal life.

The books of Jeremiah (31:33-34) and Hebrews (10:16-17) both give God’s promise of a New Covenant.

"This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time," declares the LORD. “I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people. No longer will a man teach his neighbor, or a man his brother, saying, ‘Know the LORD,’ because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest," declares the LORD. "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more." Jeremiah 31:33-34 NIV

We often stop at the first promise about the covenant becoming part of our minds and hearts. But what a blessing we miss if we stop there! The next part of the promise is that “they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest,” because the Lord Himself will reach them and teach them!

It’s easy to be proud of our witnessing and evangelistic efforts and successes. But we only support God’s work. Only God can do God’s work. The Lord will forgive and forget wickedness, and He will lead His children to Him. We are added to the scene as God allows us to share the Shepherd’s joy in bringing in the lost sheep.

One of my pastors connects the following verses: the Great Shepherd has sheep in other shelters that He will bring in Himself (John 10:16); even in heaven, some of the redeemed will ask why Jesus carries scars (Zechariah 13:6), because they’ve not heard the full story of salvation; and what God requires of each of us is “To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8 NIV).  Your God, the Word says. There will, indeed, be countless people who are saved in their relationship with and faith in the God who speaks to them and teaches them in His way and His time, but surprisingly, may not use the same methods with others as He did to win us.

Where does that leave us as fellow travelers in the Gospel Commission? It invites us to be useful, willing, humble servants. Servants who will develop relationships with other children of God, and let the love of God live in us without reservation. The possibilities of what God can and will do with lives that we might have given up on, are endless. We share in the celebration that the Lord has brought in all the lost sheep – not 99 percent, but 100 percent – including you and me. Including those “shady” friends, relatives, or neighbors we should know, but haven’t known before!

Get out there and start some conversations. Listen for their heartbeat, their motivation, their questions. Discover how alike you are, not how distant or different. Celebrate your new bonds and relationships. As you share what God has done in your life and theirs, you’ll find that God has been there before you, and He’s in it right now. That is some good news to tell. That is evangelism.