Quite Unrequited

Yes, my "love" for My Guy is unrequited, but it's also fading and that's not what this post is about.

It's about a certain boy we shall call Tom.

I saw Tom for the first time exactly one year ago at prom. He ran past me and a friend in a blur and I noticed that he looked like Drake Bell.

A few months ago, he started FB stalking me. Not the actually creepy kind of stalking, just the kind that might be flattering if it were anyone but him.

See, when I say he looks like Drake Bell...I mean, he does. But kind of like what Drake Bell would look like if he were... Okay, I don't wanna be mean. Tom just isn't quite Drake Bell, let's leave it at that.

So, Tom starts chatting me up. I'm not interested. I pretty much don't respond. Period.

A few weeks later, he becomes so incessant that I FB chat him. He seems nice. Not really fast enough with puns and teasing to keep up with me though, so I demolish him a lot. And it's not fun when you win all the time.

Sam suggested I give him a chance.

Me: "Sam. He's like 5'5"."

Just for the record, I am 5'8" and like to wear heels.

So for me, as shallow as it might be, that's an automatic "No thanks, it wouldn't work out."

But he's persistent, which is flattering, but not always effective. In this case it's just not effective. At all.

So the other day, I was Facebook chatting Tom {because I was feeling bored and sadistic} and also started a conversation with Aaron, one of my good friends who helps me a lot with love-life issues XD He's pretty great.

It wasn't long before the conversations took turns for the hilarious. However it's possible that you had to be there, so I've decided to bring you back to my past. How? I am a freak, and since Facebook doesn't record your chats, I have to do it for myself. I copy and paste every conversation I've ever had via FB chat into a Word document. And I'm going to share these two with you.

Interactions between me and Aaron are orange, interactions between me and Tom are green. I've tried to splice things together so that the times match up :) My commentaries are in {parenthesis}

We'd been talking about my hating chemistry for a few minutes, when suddenly...

Tom • 11:22pm
Ok i have a proposition for you {Uh-oh.}

Me • 11:22pm
Um, what is it?

Tom • 11:23pm
Ok, if you make time to see me. I will telepathically give you all my chemistry knowledge
deal?

Me • 11:23pm
You first :P

Tom • 11:24pm
So wait, i gotta give you the knowledge first?

Me • 11:24pm
Yep. {Good luck with your telepathy skillz.}

Tom • 11:25pm
Fine. But ill do it as we start to hang out
on the way to see you, ill give it to you

Me • 11:25pm
And if it doesn't work? Are you gonna turn around? {Please, please, please, please, please--}

Tom • 11:27pm
Nope
:) {Damn.}
I mean, im not that bad
And im leaving in june for this summer

Me • 11:27pm
haha no you're not. {Screw grammar. It's not like he cares.}

Tom • 11:27pm
and august for the school year {Pity.}

Me • 11:27pm

where to?

Aaron • 11:27pm
sup

Me • 11:28pm
Trying to fend off this guy who likes me.

Aaron • 11:28pm
ohhhhh
exciting :)

Me • 11:28pm
Nerve-wracking. 'Cause he's actually a decent person.

Tom • 11:28pm
>insert name of city< :P
but its farther away {Good.}
and ill be busy

Me • 11:28pm
oooh :P {Wow, he tries so hard not to sound desperate...}

Aaron • 11:28pm
daw
so date him
or something

Tom • 11:28pm
Id like to actually see you before then
I like have almost asked you out on a ""date"
but im homeschooled
so im akward
and i never do

Me • 11:28pm
OH NO!
HE JUST ASKED!
LIKE FORMALLY!

Sort of.

Aaron • 11:28pm
HAAAHAHAHHHAHAH

Me • 11:28pm
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
this is awful!

Aaron • 11:28pm
This is amazing.

Me • 11:29pm
Aaron, he's like 5'2". {He's actually 5'5", but whatever helps my case...}
I'm 5'8".

Aaron • 11:29pm
oh
well
that's weird.

Me • 11:29pm
if i wore heels he'd come up to like my waist.

Aaron • 11:29pm
what'd he ask you, exactly
BTW, heels are evil.

Me • 11:29pm
It's okay, i'm not really into the dating thing :)

Tom • 11:29pm
Well i wasnt asking to date you {Suuure you weren't.}
just to hang out {Riiiiight.}
haha
See, im bad at this stuff {Well, THAT'S probably true...}

Me • 11:29pm
nah, don't worry about it.
I'm not really awkward, so even if you think you are, it doesn't bother me. {I think I may be too nice.}

Aaron • 11:31pm
how old is he?

Me • 11:31pm
I think I may be too nice.
Older than me at least.
Not sure how much. He's 17 too, but he was before me.

Aaron • 11:31pm
dangit
that would've been a decent loophole...
WAIT
I HAVE IT

Me • 11:31pm
Yea--what??

Aaron • 11:31pm
Okay, so is there anyone else you're looking to date soon?

Me • 11:31pm
I wish. But no.

Aaron • 11:31pm
good

Me • 11:32pm
...yay.

Aaron • 11:32pm
you can say that you've decided you're not going to date for the moment.

Me • 11:32pm
Good one. *starts typing* {Even though I already said it, I might as well pretend I got the idea from Aaron. Pet his man-ego.}

Tom • 11:32pm
Haha ok
Well here
We should go on a date
that isnt a date
yet it is {And this is his idea of being witty...}

Me • 11:33pm
I'll do hanging out, that's really hanging out because it's just hanging out ;P

Me • 11:32

He says

"Well here
We should go on a date
that isnt a date
yet it is"
Ergh.

Aaron • 11:33pm
Tell him "That makes no sense."

Me • 11:34pm
I said "I'll do hanging out, that's really hanging out because it's just hanging out ;P"
because i'm too nice to say "NOOO"

Aarpm • 11:34pm
gah
>_<
no
at the very least, only hang out in groups

Me • 11:35pm
Well! ....yeahh.
Yeah. Definitely.
I drag my friend Cassidy into everything with me anyway.

Aaron • 11:43pm

you should reassert the "NOT DATING" thing
just to be clear
that you are not to be won over

Me • 11:43pm
Mkay. I will if it comes back.
We're hating on Jersey Shore right now.

NINE MINUTES LATER:

Tom • 11:52pm

So ideas
for our date
Ima call it that to annoy you

Me • 11:52pm
he's at it again

Aaron • 11:53pm
Tell him you're actually betrothed.

Me • 11:53pm
LOLS.

Me • 11:53pm
I'm betrothed.

Me • 11:54pm
He's being awfully quiet.
XD

Tom • 11:56pm

What...nooo...

Me • 11:58pm
"What...nooo..."
^ him

Aaron • 11:58pm
sarcasm, or gullibility?

Me • 11:58pm
Since brith.
*birth

Tom • 11:59pm
To?
Prince Caspian of Narnia?

Me • 11:58pm
Lolsssssssssss, I'm not sure..
Who am I betrothed to?
He suggested Prince Caspian. i'm gonna go with sarcasm.
And Peter Pevensie.

Me • 11:58pm

Peter.

Tom • 11:59pm
:(
what about me

Aaron • 12:00am

nononono

keep it up

say it's a real guy
pretend you're upset he's joking

Me • 12:01am
Okay. I just said Peter, not Pevensie so we can still salvage this.
he says "what about me? :( "

Aaron • 12:01am
say you're sorry
but it's out of your hands

Me • 12:01am

You don't believe me :O

Tom • 12:02am
Haha no
i dont

Me • 12:02am
It's out of my hands.

Me • 12:02am
he says he doesn't believe me.

Aaron • 12:03am
- _ -

Tom • 12:03am
Are you really?

Me • 12:03am

OMG LOLS HE DOES.
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
LOLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Aaron • 12:03am
....wait, really?
:D

Me • 12:03am
"Are you really?"
oh my goshhhhhhhhhhhhhh lolsssss

Aaron • 12:04am
don't break now
keep it up

Me • 12:04am
i feel so mean lolssssssss
omg

Aaron • 12:04am
Say you're sorry, but it just won't work out between you two

Me • 12:04am
i feel mean XD
i'll crush him!

Aaron • 12:04am
that way you're not technically lying
bah
he needs to be crushed

Me • 12:04am
aw no lolsssssssssss

Aaron • 12:04am
better than being crushed worse later if you lead him on

Me • 12:04am
*can't breathe from laughing*
like i'm not leading him on to something now...XD

Aaron • 12:05am
you've gotta cut him off now before he gets more obsessed
well, no, you're not

okay yeah
haha

Me • 12:05am
i don't know if i can to it.

Aaron • 12:05am
do it

Me • 12:05am
lols

Aaron • 12:05am
do it
DO IT

Me • 12:06am

It's out of my hands. It just couldn't work.

Me • 12:06am

ackk XD
ackk i did
o_o

Aaron • 12:06am
:D
:D:D:D

Me • 12:06am
lolsss
:D
thhis poor kid.

Aaron • 12:07am

Hey. He doesn't use grammar. He deserves NOTHING.

Tom • 12:07am

No really
tell me haah

Me • 12:08am

"No really
tell me haah"
If he were smart he'd search my FB friends for a Peter.
There isn't one.

Aaron • 12:09am
well, no, see, that's the thing
you've not seen each other since birth
you don't even know him, really.

Me • 12:09am
OH MY GOSH, THIS IS INSANE.
*is doing it*

Me • 12:09am

I haven't seen him since birth.

Tom • 12:09am
But you are supposed to marry him?

Me • 12:09am:

OH MY GAWD HE BELIEVES ME.

Aaron • 12:10am
HAHAHAHA

Me • 12:10am
And now he's really sorry for me.
LOLSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
"but you are supposed to marry him?"

Aaron • 12:10am
hhaaaaaa

Me • 12:11am
So....yes....
How am I ever going to get out of this? I mean, I can tell him now, or...later.

Aaron • 12:11am
just ask him never to bring it up, ever again.

Me • 12:11am
oh wow...that's so serious-sounding....'kay....
omg...

Aaron • 12:12am
well, hey, it's a complicated issue, and you don't like talking about it

Me • 12:12am

Let's never bring it up again. *sigh*

Tom • 12:13am
I feel like i am being trolled

Me • 12:14am
lolsss
He's gone silent again..
"I feel like i am being trolled"
Okay I feel bad XD He's always talking about how girls mess with him and he believes them because he's nice...
Or something.

Aaron • 12:14am
no, it's because he's a moron
:P

Me • 12:15am
lolssss
:P
Well yeah.
But...i think i'm just gonna completely change the subject--ooh he's typing
uh. "Why dont you get alot of guys flirting with you?"
"A lot" is two words, dude
I kind of do. I mostly just glare at them and they go away though. Except for THIS GUY.
OH NO HE'S GONNA COMPLIMENT ME
HE DID.
UGH.

Aaron • 12:18am
ha

Me • 12:18am
apparently i'm pretty. *sigh*

Aaron • 12:19am
don't let it go to your head, princess.

Me 12:19am

-_-

SIX MINUTES LATER

Tom • 12:25am
I just want a happy relationship like ALL my friends

Me • 12:25am
Oh boy now he's on a spiel about wanting a happy relationship like all his other friends.

Aaron 12:26
tell him to wait
just like you're waiting on Peter.
HAAAAHAHA

Me • 12:27am
hahaha XD

but no.

Me • 12:32am
look, you very well might find someone at college. don't worry about it. you'll find someone!

Me • 12:32am
now i'm consoling him.

Aaron • 12:33am
oh geez
don't do that

Me • 12:33am
telling him he'll find someone at college next year. or whatever

Aaron • 12:33am
it's like giving a puppy cuddles
He'll just want more

Me • 12:33am
but he's pathetic!

Aaron • 12:33

and he'll be licking your face, and you'll be like AUGH NO WHYDIDIDOTHIS?!?

Tom • 12:33am
Too bad...
i mean
i pretty much fell in love with you
and then you said u didnt date...

Me • 12:33am
OH MY GAWD HE SAYS HE'S IN LOVE WITH ME.

Aaron • 12:33am
SEE?!?
SEE?!?!?

Me • 12:34am
ugh finneee >_< you were righ! D:

Aaron • 12:35am
tell him he doesn't love you
or whatever

Me • 12:34am
People don't fall in love that fast I don't think.

Me • 12:35am
I did.

Aaron • 12:35am
because you're actually a robot

Me • 12:35am
oooookay.

Aaron • 12:35am
see if he buys that one

Tom • 12:35am
No they dont. But i was seriously attracted to you

Me • 12:35am
he changed love to "seriously attracted to"
ew.

Aaron • 12:35am
ew

Me • 12:36am
I'm going in for teh robot.

Aaron • 12:36am
no

Me • 12:36am
:P

Aaron • 12:36am
I was kidding!

Me • 12:36am
Right....

Aaand things just went downhill from there.

~Stephanie