This tangled mess was eventually sorted out. I will not tell you how long it took, nor will I repeat the many colorful expletives that were flying freely from my flailing person.
Enjoy your weekend and be careful with those craaazy hanks of yarn.
[Disclaimer: The above pictured entanglement reflects in no way on the yarn distributor, vendor, or even the Postal Service (although I'd love to blame them). That was aaaaall me. Heh.]